Thursday, August 13, 2015

Fearlessly Living Afraid

Everyone has something they're afraid of.  Some common fears I can list are being scared of heights, big crowds, driving in fast traffic, flying, speaking in public...etc.  They tend to make your heart beat just a bit faster and your palms sweat, bearing witness to your anxiousness.  It is normal to have a fear of something; something that would stretch you beyond your limits.

These are obvious fears, each has his own...I know mine, you know yours.

What about the things that you don't know your afraid of though, or maybe not admitted that you are afraid of?

These are deeply embedded fears,  Fears that control your life,  your thoughts, and your decisions.  They are hidden, maybe you don't even realize that you have them stored away.

I went to a Christian Writers Conference called She Speaks a few weeks back.  Two of my dearest friends ventured with me on a long drive across several states to meet up with like-minded women with a passion and fervor to write & speak for the glory of God.  It was something I had been looking forward to for almost a year.

While traveling down the road with the best girls, listening to my favorite tunes, & heading to the opportunity of a lifetime...I hear a question pop into my heart.

"Why are you afraid, Amy?"

Huh!  Where did that come from??  "I'm not afraid," I thought back.

"Yes, you are."

I was stumped into silence.  "Lord, what am I afraid of?"

I knew it was Him.  Only He would pose a question to me like that at a time when I thought I could conquer the world.

"Why do you home-school?" (I have kept my daughter home from public school for 5 years)

Well, I had many answers to that question, so I started pitching them all out.

"First's better.  I mean, she doesn't have to conform to the world this way.  She is free to learn at her own pace.  It creates a longer presence of innocence.  I can focus on spiritual teachings and help develop her relationship with you.  It limits secularism...."  On and on, I fed Him my rap list of all the right answers.

Blah actually what it probably sounded like.

"That sounds good Amy, but your lying."

What! could I have been lying.  I started to check my heart, I don't want to lie.  What am I missing here?

He posed the first question to me again...
"What are you afraid of?"

Something broke open inside of my heart.  My spirit resonated that there was in fact something I was afraid of and wasn't admitting.

I carefully whispered through my thoughts back to Him,
"I am afraid she will get hurt."
My eyes welled up.  My chest felt heavy and tight, I knew that He was exposing something deeper in me that I had hid away.

"I am afraid that you won't keep her safe Lord."

And there it was.. the nail was hit on the head!  Truth exposed!  I didn't trust God to take care of her for me.

Graciously the conversation continued on and instead of leaving me to wallow in my wretchedness, He spoke again.

"Do you believe I created you for a reason?"
"Yes, Lord."

"Do you believe I created her for a reason?"
"Of course, Lord."

"They why wont you trust that the purpose I have for her is good?"
 "Why wont you let me use her?"

The decision for us to home-school her was great in the beginning.  It was enriching and we have enjoyed her being home.  In the past, I may or may not have done it for the right reasons, but this year, He showed me that I had based my entire decision on fear instead of truth.

The choice to school her at home this year was not based on what was best for her, but instead it was based on what was best for my heart.

What a mighty stop sign fear can be!

It can put God's plans for your life to a complete halt.  Fear has the ability to freeze you in place when you are supposed to move.  It encourages you to be comfortable when God wants you to rely on His strength and do something different, daring, or dynamic!

The inner fears that stop you from God's purpose are an enemy to your existence.  They snuff out the good things God wants you to approach, and you miss out on life altogether.

There is always something that will speed up your beats per minute...but living fearlessly while still being afraid, allows you to feel scared while relying deeply on God to sustain you.

It's OK to be afraid, but it is not OK to position yourself as a stalemate and not move at all!

Right now examine yourself...ask Him, "What is it that I am afraid of?  What fears do you have that prevent you from being used by God?"

At the She Speaks conference, the Lord revealed to me an entire web of fear that I had tucked away.  He showed me what I was truly afraid of and how it was disabling my life.  I came home a different person; a different mother.

Today I walked her into her first day of class.
My mind was petrified, my heart was still...and God is with her.
I say to my fears..."I trust my God!"

And with that, I know her purpose will be great, because the God who created her is just that...Great!

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