Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Good Mom vs. Bad Mom

Good Mom vs Bad Mom, I wish there wasn't such a thing but we all know she exists

Every night when we are getting ready for bed, we evaluate our day.
Our feats & our failures race through our chalk-board like brains scribbling down all our stats.  We highlight each event and evaluate it's rating score.  Did it go well?  Was it a bust?  Can I fix it tomorrow?  Was it a 10, or mid-level grade...maybe it scored a 5?

We start each day at  breakfast time, which tends to happen faster then we like.  Getting up early to begin the day before the kids awake always takes a huge effort, but to do it gracefully can be almost impossible.  I picture my apron on with a spatula in hand, welcoming them to a table full of hot pancakes.  Walking around the room kissing their heads with good morning cheer. Then the smell of feces overwhelms me and the youngest has taken his morning #2 before breakfast.  Things start to move fast, with pancake syrup dripping down the kitchen chairs and caked into my 3yr olds hair, to my daughter sitting with a scowl on her face, completely downcast.  When I ask what's wrong, I hardly get eye contact from her because she's 10 and well...they just do that.  She doesn't know what's wrong either, she just smells poop and is all grumped up.

Thank goodness I got up an hour before and read my bible and had prayer time.

That last sentence was a joke.

As the day ends, I'm back in bed again chalking up my thoughts are taken to, "What could I have done better?...What can I do tomorrow to make it easier?  My number one answer is ALWAYS getting up earlier to have time alone with God..the giver of that good wisdom, it's like a  fried chicken leg full of meat and crispiness.  It is a must have!  I know this!  I remind myself this!  Tomorrow will be different!

As the early alarm goes off
As the 15 minutes alarm goes off
As the late alarm goes off
As the "your a loser get outta bed alarm" goes off...I race downstairs, grab my spatula, and take my position.

Here they come,
"Good Morning," I welcome them with goop in my eyes and sounding like I just smoked a pack of cigarettes.  They look at me with confusion, as if they are saying where is my food?  The smell of fresh #2 starts to fill the air.

And those are my bad mom days, the days that race past with irritation in the air and the day-dreams of ice capped mountains and ocean waves flood my mind's desire.  I continue to try to get it right, and some days are good, actually some are really good.  But most are a struggle and all are a huge blessing.  A blessing of a family working as a unit to live life together in the best way they know how.

My life outside of my kids hardly exists and to be honest when it does happen it tends to be a bit dull compared to what these little people dish out every day.  I've realized that they are part of the purpose I have, regardless if an entire day is used up on playing legos, cleaning the potty chair, and shoveling food in their little mouths.  It's always time well spent.  If no one sees my chalk-board brain, God does.  He sees all the faults of the "bad mom" he sees my heart and how it's turned away from my needs and focused on theirs.  He sees my frantic mind and racing thoughts as I spin through the hours trying to meet their needs and keep them healthy & happy.

Why do I sleep in when I know that chicken leg of wisdom is waiting for me?
That is something I just thought about again last night...

I think the answer is this:

Because we are children still...
His children.

And even though we know what's best for us, we sometimes are clumsy in life and spill syrup on our chairs and get it in our hair.
And He loves us anyway.
And tomorrow we try again. 

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