Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Belly Moms Rock! Why I am blessed to be a part of 3 open adoptions

"Belly Moms" that's our family term for my kids' biological mothers.  I have 3 adopted children that we remain in "open" relationships with their belly moms.  This isn't something we ever contracted in writing; it was just something that we all naturally agreed to.

People assume that all adoptions are the same; you put your name on a list, wait to be chosen by a birth mother, and when baby arrives you go on your separate ways.  The majority does function this way; but not us.

Some adoptions poses risks with openness, such as poor influence, addictions, mental health issues, etc. from the bio parents and surrounding influences.  We all have heard of those stories.. and such babies are so blessed to find safe havens inside homes that are praying for children. I understand that this happens more often then not and that it's not safe or in the child's best interest sometimes to continue on in a damaging relationship with their bio families.

This is not what this post is about.

This post is primarily my way of giving tribute to the ladies in my life that have blessed me with 2 sons & a daughter that were designed specifically for me.  This is an attempt to share with the rest of the world why this works for us and how it has been beneficial.  Hopefully, as my ladies read this, it will also be an expression of the deep gratitude of a sacrifice they made and an undying love that I have for each of them that starts from the core of my heart!

Adoption is never easy, it has a overall theme that you often see on beautiful pinterest pictures and sayings; but the brunt of it is tough.


The whole reason a family typically moves forward in adoption proceedings is due to struggles that are never nice, never pretty.  The reason a mother chooses adoption for her child is never easy and most likely finds her in a really difficult place in life. It's a hard call, it's not the same as re-homing a pet or finding a home for your favorite recliner.

The decision effects the child forever, affects the families involved,
affects families watching,
affects a lineage,
a genealogy,
a future,
and ultimately a eternity.

Its huge.  It's real.  It is important.

I understand that our adoption story is not normal, most unusual; as my birth mommy's are not only in a "open" relationship with me, but 2 of them are also local.  I have a different friendship with all 3 of them.  Some I meet for hang-outs, have mini-vacations, coffee dates...we discuss everyday happenings, hardships, and life with each other.  I speak to them on the phone, email, FB sometimes on a weekly basis.

A few days ago I had a "over the top" bad day.. I received a phone call, an email, and a surprise visit all from my ladies.  They are not friends with each other, just with me.  They are not perfect, and sometimes misunderstood by even myself.  Sometimes we don't agree on things and sometimes we just listen to each other and share.  Sometimes I don't hear from them for a while and then other days, like last week, they all contacted me on my crappy day individually and encouraged me.

They never step in, take over, or try to compete with me on motherhood.  They all always refer to me as my kids' mom.  They never try to steal my identity or challenge my authority as a parent.  They don't regret their decisions to place their "belly babies" for adoption and we talk about it freely.  They made a sacrifice weather they realized the extent of it at the time of their decisions, I did.  I do.

Every time I see my youngest laugh with his head thrown back and all his teeth showing, making the whole room laugh with him..it is a sacrifice she made.

When my 3 yr old eats a whole plate of food and asks for more after having a feeding tube for 1 yr and a half, we all grin at each other in relief..it's a sacrifice she made.

When our daughter, our only daughter, talks about how her brothers drive her crazy yet she's the first to wake them up in the morning; we wink at each other and know that she is so compassionately sweet towards those boys...it's a sacrifice she made.

They surly knew it would be hard, but they don't get to see their daily sacrifice like I do.  Every morning, lunch time, play time, reading time, bath time, night time, prayer time.  They handed it over to me and their daily sacrifice is my sweet sweet gain.  I am forever indebted to them in prayer and because I chose it, in friendship as well.

One wrote me on my "bad" day and said, "please don't shoulder your troubles alone..I love you, if you need me I'm here..."

The next called and said, "I support you in everything you do, you are my family and I love you.."

The last one showed up unexpectedly and said, "I cry with you and I'm really sorry for your heartache...I love you..."

Most families cant' have this with bio moms and I understand that..but there are some who chose not to have it due to not wanting to share their children.  They want to hide them and remain out of influence from the "other" family.  I get it.  I get not wanting to share your motherhood.  I get not wanting to "confuse" your child.  I get wanting to keep it all to yourself especially if you have been through hard times to enlarge your family.

If I would have followed through and played out on that mentality all the time I would've missed my phone call/text the other day and my surprise visit.  I would have never received that email that followed today with another, "I'm thinking of you."  I never would have tons of pictures for the kids to see how much they are loved when they are older by someone other then myself.  I, they, would have missed so much.

My hopes are that they will know and understand that they were not tossed aside, but it was a intricate decision that the Lord ordained. That they were perfectly placed inside our home by the grace of the Lord and loved by so many.  A large family.  A designed family that doesn't look like the majority but looks exactly like the will of God for all of us.

And because they are children and not something you drop off at Goodwill, I expect their belly mom's to think about them and care about them.  They may not have been called to be "Mommy" to them but without them, my children would not be here.  I am thankful for adoption and for the women who have the desire to pursue goodness for their children, I am thankful for LIFE..and the choices these women have made to make sure my kiddos have a good one.

Again, I know this isn't for everyone, but I'm really glad for the benefit of our children that it worked out this way for us.

My ladies,
L, K, & A.
I so so so love the 3 of you immensely more then you will ever know.



 

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