Monday, February 2, 2015

Scare me!


I read this quote tonight in the pictures above and had to stop and think.

For months..years..maybe my whole lifetime I have had a specific dream that I have failed to run after. I have used many excuses and resoning to thwart what I should be doing. I have told myself that it is futile, with no meaning, and will be made a mockery of. I have convinced myself that I physically cant do it and that I dont have the capability. I have even lectured my own self to feel as if it's stupid and that anyone in existance can do it better then I can.

Until today.

Deep in my heart I still have the dream, even though I have believed my own lies for years, or at least pretended to, so that I wouldn't have to venture forward towards the goal.

Why?  The only answer, the most truthful answer, is fear.

Scared that someone is better.
Scared that I'm not good enough.
Scared to be made fun of.
Scared of failure.
Scared of pouring my heart into something that others will think has no worth.

Isn't that the cement block of weight that holds us down...as if it's tied to our abilities and convinces us that we have to remain dormant in order to be safe. We think that safety is the key to making friends, keeping friends, and having fun. Safety keeps us in a box all snuggled in with foam peanuts and plastic pops. Sounds like a common element in lots of people I know. We are all comfortable just looking at the wall and dreaming of what we could be doing if we were to take a risk.

This kind of safety keeps us from adventure. It locks us up and takes away a reality that could be; if we let it. It strips us of standing on the edge of something new and dangerous, something revealing and exciting. It allows us to see other dreamers going after their dreams and we say to ourselves, "they must have something I don't." The insecurity completes her course and comes back around to say, "you could've done it; but your a loser...you lost and they won."

I've never been a runner, since, when I was a teen I had a car accident that left me with damaged knees and knew I would never be an athlete of any sort. But recently I got an idea in my head that soon turned into an action and I started jogging. I NEVER thought I could run to the mailbox and back and now I am training for my first race. There is no doubt in my mind that I will not be first to finish...but I am most certain that I wont be last. I wont care what place I'm in; I will just be elated that for over 20 years I believed I could never do the very thing I am going to do. I believed in lies so long that I never even tried.

Just like the race, I know that I wont be the best. I wont have great form or breathing. More then likely I will have my tongue hanging out to the side and running all hunched over...(laughing to myself and knowing this could be reality) I'm sure to make someone giggle in the audience, but regardless I am going to do it!!

I am going to do it!  and I am going to finish!

Running isn't my big dream, but its resembles the same elements in my life that has held me back.

I like that I'm scared. I like that I don't know what is coming next and that I need God to lead me. I like that I have to trust Him to be in a truly safe place, a place of truth and shelter. I like that I don't have to be good enough for anyone. I like that my dreams are not a figment of my imagination but were intricately placed in my heart by my Creator because He says that I would be good at it. People will laugh at me, but the Lord wont. I like that He's my main audience and when people in my life think they know me best; He always knows me better! He says I can even with bad knees, and He says that you can even though you may think you can't. He says Yes.

The race is set, running shoes on, headband ready...Here we go!
What are you wishing you were doing right now? Don't let yourself talk you out of taking chances.
Like the image said above, if your dreams don't scare you; perhaps they are not big enough.