Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Not as we expected...

What a day!!

Headed out strong and positive...peaceful.  Our ultrasound was at 11, we planned a whole day in Ft Wayne afterwards with the agenda of a good movie, yummy food, and some shopping.  Lesson learned...don't plan your life, its not yours to plan.

We didn't wait long before my name was called.  The ultrasound was much anticipated and I kept my eyes on the screen totally forgetting I was not going to look originally.  We quickly saw a gestational sac...but no baby and no yolk sac.

I'm 6 weeks today and hoping I implanted later then we thought.  Dr said to have hcg drawn and if numbers were above 3000 we still had some hope. They came back at 6069 leaving us with a doubling time of 51 hrs (normal is 48-72hrs) The light at the end of the tunnel still continues to stay lit...we just slink our way towards it in hope that victory will be received!

Today I spoke aloud to the enemy and myself as a reminder, "The Lord loves me!"  "The Lord loves me!" Over and over in the elevator I said it aloud.  I remember how easy it is to forget or doubt that love when we don't get our way.  I refuse to leave the Lord if this ends abruptly...I need Him way to much.  The truth that helped me today was knowing He was with me.  I asked Him several times aloud, "You here?  You got my back?" I remember breathing in deep afterwards spontaneously almost as if He gave me a breath of fresh air and said, "I could never leave you."

I'm posting my video from today..its super short.  I think we were in there a total of  a minute.  Look hard at the video I thought I saw a glimpse of a embryo when he scanned once but it was so quick my eyes couldn't adjust.  On the video its hard to see b/c it wasn't zoomed in quite enough.  I am curious if your eyes will see anything else though...I may be grasping at straws but I thought I saw something I wasent expecting.  For those of you that have been through this, your eyes are better trained then most u/s techs...would love to see any comments of feedback and definitely comments of hope.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2VtFMNwvU4

Love and bless you all!!