Friday, March 11, 2011

For you...

I shut my eyes tonight and thought of one person that was quickly brought to my heart...someone that I know may be suffering as I sit here.  I opened the Word and found a beautiful prayer that I would love to say for her.  I ask you all that before you read it to shut your eyes as your heart for that one person who may need you tonight and read this to the Lord for them.

Ephesians 3:14-21

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name.  I pray that out of His glorious riches, He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being so that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.  And to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God!

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever! Amen!"

We all need to be reminded from time to time that we ARE the body of Christ, sometimes we forget and sometimes we look for someone else to be the body instead.  The body is a living organism that need connection with each other to be able to function at full potential.

Today was a strangely emotional day...thinking about my friends who are mourning the loss of their pregnancy's this month.  Trying to allow myself to feel some joy about our own situation, which is proving to be very hard to do.  My disbelief is evident in my thoughts but somewhere deep in my heart...I want to love this, I want to not be scared, I want to just enjoy this time...   I think its a process that Ive only gotten so far with and everyday I am getting closer to my last heartache.  

I realized today that its only been 6 months since we lost Thadeus...Its true that you don't substitute one child for another because even today I cried for him.  We talked about his little beating heart and watching it perform for us on the screen the day he died.  He represents the innocent of innocent, never even a hard thought entered him...he wasn't even there yet.  He was just simply living like the Lord designed him to do.  How beautiful an image I have of him in my mind... You never forget one child just because you have another.

I had an ultrasound today to check on my far as we could see there was no source and so far today I have had no blood.  I am so thankful.  I listed to my dear friends talk about the onset of their periods and how hard it is when you know that your babies just died.  I have felt that so many times that its like tasting rotten food...I hate it for them and hate it for us.  The doctor told me today that he knows I'm human and even though he may tell me to relax, I probably wont til fall...I'm sure he must know many women like me.

We wasn't able to see any baby stuff on the u/s..its so early yet.  Hopefully in a few weeks that will be a beating heart or hearts to celebrate!  Monday I go back for another hcg level, normal levels will be over 500 for me.  Lets hope and pray...

Prayer requests:
To make it another week being pregnant...
My family
My friends to feel the Love of Christ
Women of Life group to have vision and direction for Life Church

Blessing to all of you!!