Wednesday, March 16, 2011

19dp3dt...Another step in the right direction!

Last Monday I went in for another hcg numbers didn't double.  I walked out of of the hospital and while waiting by the van for my dh, I saw an friend of mine in the parking lot.  She was hesitate to make eye contact with me...I could tell she was on the verge of tears.  After some persuasion and reminding her that people don't just run into each other by coincidence, I asked her to share with me why she was so broken.  My lab results were in my hand while we spoke, and I knew my news was not ideal but I had no time to be sad after watching my dear friends tears trail down her cheeks.  She shared with me that someone very close to her was dying of cancer and had a mear 3 months to live.  She barely could say the words, it broke her heart tremendously.  She had spent every day with her family at the hospital praying and loving a man, who by the world standards was destined for death. 

When I got back in the car to leave, I started to cry...partially for my babies...mostly for my friend.  It really puts things in perspective when you look around and notice that life isn't about you at all.  Most of my day I think about the way I feel, the things I want, my life, my journey, my struggles, my hope, my fears, my!  Every now and then you have a moment where you step back and realize that nothing was ever about you.. Someone else always need more, wants more, feels more, hurts more, yearns more, deserves more then you.  We cant help but to look inward because of our selfishness but if we started to form a habit of looking outward instead..I bet our insides would mold into something creative and unique..something worth taking a look at every now and then.

Our numbers on Thursday March 10th was 124, 4 days later they "should have" doubled twice making them a 500.  Our number were instead a 411...some growing happened, but was unsure if things were slowing down and would eventually stop.  I found a great link about hcg levels and how doubling really takes 48-72 hrs in early pregnancy..this helped calm my nerves. ( Both Doctors called and said that as long as number raise by 60% we should be on track.  They scheduled another level to be drawn today..Wednesday. 

Going in there today was the reveal of growth..if the numbers didn't raise much we knew that things had slowed down and it would be a matter of time for a miscarriage...but if numbers raised then we could still be in the game.  I have learned to wait in town for my results to be processed in medical records rather then running home to wait on the couch for a phone call.  They are usually done within the hr. so we had a quick breakfast and headed to the hospital.  I cheated in the elevator and opened the envelope with my destiny in it...I couldn't wait to know.  It crossed my mind to open it with Chad in the car but I just couldn't help but peak and get it over with.

I took it out to the car trying to keep my face from showing any expression that would give it away..and handed it over.  Chad opened it and instantly was ecstatic..our numbers was 952!  It more then doubled since Monday...relief swept over us..

Next step is ultrasound on Tuesday..we should be able to see the heartbeat along with the yolk sac.  It seems things are moving in the right direction...our prayer is to get through the next 3 weeks with no problems.  My bleeding has been gone since my ultrasound so I started back on heparin yesterday.  Hoping that the combination of drugs and support I'm on keeps up trudging along.

Prayer request:
Complete healing for the man with cancer...and comfort for friends and family
Faith N Fertility women..prayer requests are flooding in daily..If you want to pray for someone just look at their stories on facebook
Our friend Elan to have direction, wisdom, and a heart that seeks God
**Please remember the girls that suffered losses this month..there are so many that are hurting**