Monday, December 27, 2010

Our 7 wk ectopic baby 2nd ultrasound to confirm;

This is the last of the 4 videos...we left this office and headed to our dreaded termination was extremely hard for Chad and I to feel as though we were having a abortion.

Our ectopic pregnancy videos...4 total

I am uploading the videos that were taken the day we found out our baby was ectopic.  Even though I am a pretty "open" person with my feeling, thoughts, and ideas dosent mean that its easy to do so.  I am sharing this with the verse in mind that commands us to tell others what God has done in our lives.  Hopefully it will bridge the gap for those who dont understand the pains of infertility and miscarriage and be somewhat of a cushion to those who has experienced it themselves, showing them they are not alone.  There are 4 videos that transpired that day...the first was in the parking lot of the doctors office as we are nervous about our 7 week ultrasound, the 2nd video we are in the examination room and waiting for the dr to come in, the 3rd is a short u/s video where the doctor apparently sees something is wrong, and the 4th is at the Imaging Diagnostic Center to comfirm that our baby is indeed ectopic.  Please journey with us lightly for I dont watch these even is a reminder of the day our baby died.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

My Anonymous Letter....

 I just love this time of year...snow is gradually gathering outside, Christmas lights flickering in most living rooms, and mail starts trickling in from people you know near and far.... and then one trip to the mail box tries to spoil your season of thanksgiving by sending you this...
Ive decided even though I don't contain the capacity to defend myself, leaving that role up to God alone...I do however just want to comment on such a personal attack.  I received this letter postmarked Dec. 16th, 2 days after we had already cancelled our "benefit."  My closest friends know this as I sent out a text to 15 people on the 14th telling them that we had decided to cancel for various reasons.  The people in my life encouraging me to drop my dream of having a baby are not my closest friends and/or not believers in Jesus...they are simply people whom I don't associate with on a close basis.  My last post titled "Brace Yourselves" was about something totally different from IVF, it was a combination of things that had happened...I didn't go into detail about what had happened in that post because some things in life are just private.  I can see where a person could read that assuming it was about our journey but I assure you it was not.  I have had a few friends who are Christians ask me about the procedure with concern but never the less set it aside to love us while we continue on.  

I was not putting the benefit on for myself, there is a group of women who were volunteering their time and they also had the original idea for it, we however had changed the name of the "benefit" on Dec 12th to a public auction and dinner because Chad & I personally didn't like the name, "benefit." We had many many people donate and help for the event, I am still calling people who are very apparently disappointed that we are not doing it, and we still are in the process of returning donated items.  As for the attack against our!  If you must know my husband and I don't work "normal jobs"...but that is what we prayed for.  We both are self employed, paying taxes on the 2 jobs we have every year for the last 4 years.  We don't make lots of money but we are comfortable and somewhat limited but that was our choice.  We prayed that the Lord would make a way for us to stay home together, raise our kids with both parents present, and still be able to make ends meet.  He graciously did that for us and each year we have been able to invest more into our kids then some that have to work outside the home daily.  We cant do some things that other people can but that was what we chose.  My husband works hard and works for others on the side, we both do ministry...he does acts of service and I lead women and help at the church. 

To the person who wrote this letter...  Your letter did not affect me and I couldnt possible consider anything in it for one reason.  You did not sign your name.  The word I can gather from this is "coward,"  if you felt strongly enough to take the time to type this up, you could have approached me with your intent.  The Lord says that when you have a problem with another person you should go to that person in private, then if that person does not listen to take another with you again as a witness for another confrontation.  You decided to write that the Lord wants me to STOP....I'm assuming this means my actions towards having another baby.  I am shocked...the Lord does not speak that way.... Period!  He gently loves his people and softly brings them to truth.  If this was the Lords work He never would have allowed you to drop a anonymous letter, say slanderous things about His people, encourage us to give us on the desire He has given us, and then insinuate that we don't care for the children that we do have already.  You then tagged His name to it as if it was from Him.  How dare you!! 

I never thought that wanting a baby would be so uprooting to someone else.  My kids have prayed for years for a brother and sister...Tanner being 17 is my miracle son.  The only child out of 8 who have survived my womb.  Ilana reminds me all the time to pray for our baby.  She just came to me on Sunday and asked me, "have you prayed for our baby today?" These kids believe in the power of prayer and I wont encourage them to give up nor will we stop til the Lord answers.  Reguardless of the disappointment of thinking I have let someone like this anonymous person into my life, I am glad to be refocused again on our goal this February.  We are still praying for a miracle and that I will be with child before then....we will soon see.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Brace Yourselves

  This has been the most overwhelming and intense week for me and my family.  We have fought strongly against the ridicule of the devil coming from so many avenues.  I have decided with all my heart that he just uses people around us as tools to do his bidding.  My overall conclusion is that our victory is very close and that is why the battleground seems bloodier.  The Lord has prepared me for such a time as this although I can still be overwhelmed and have feelings of defeat, I know deeply that the Lord has already won!

  The ultimate passion of having more children and raising my family is to teach them to love the Lord with all their heart, mind, and strength.  Teaching them to fear the Lord more then fearing man or even fear itself is vital.  To fear the Lord is the only way to acquire true wisdom, which can apply us and enable us to live effective lives.  The children we raise will be equipped to have full opportunity of living in Gods abundance because we will show them how to rely upon Him.  In the beginning I just wanted to have a baby, after time I have realized that I want to train and teach another of Gods creation, to treat Him as the Creator of the world.  To give the lord honor and glory is a great privilege and this week He has reminded me of that.

  I am assuming that as the time draws near for us to carry new life, the enemies of God will gather against us.  I have heard this week alone many slanders against our future plans.  I have pity on such people who take time our of their unproductive days to waste energy on us.  I pray for them to be prepared for we do not avenge ourselves but our defender is the Most High.  I contemplated of going into hiding and become a person of solitude, to avoid people reactions.  Then I remembered the Lord Jesus and how He carried on faithfully telling the truth and loving people much more then they loved Him.

  Silence has never come easy to me and so I will speak for the Lord and what great things He is doing in our lives regardless of the enemies attempts to quiet me.  Those who spew hatred about my family due to our past, IVF, or our radical love we have for the Lord who saved us...we are praying for your hearts to be soft and your tongues to be encouraging.

  To the enemies of God who is who we truly fight against...Brace yourselves!

Monday, December 13, 2010

True Home Decor...tip on creating a Godly home

In the book The Greatest Place on Earth, the author talks about the christian home and how to transform it into a "Kingdom Outpost."  Here is a list of some practical things you can do in your home with your children and spouse...

*Supper time made into a time of worship...Ask each person, "What did you hear god say today?" Teaches us to listen for God and that He does speak to us.
*Prayer basket...add any request you hear of into a simple basket, each person pull one out during meals & pray for the person on your slip of paper
*Control the TV...if it uses the Lords name disrespectfully or isn't wholesome, turn it off
* Church is not negotiable..Its Gods idea
*Everyone has a bible for their own age or reading level
*Bedtime scripture, memorization
* Talk about God...If you love Him then you will speak about Him
* People should feel special in your home
* If you whine you automatically lose any argument
* Dads respected, mom is loved, and children are nurtured
* No interruptions at dinner…phone and TV turned off…everyone helps cleans up
*No sarcasm..idol talk, course jokes
* Repent and forgive in front of your kids
* Consider everyone better then yourself
*Be generous to each other
* No "simple white lies"  A lie is a lie!
* Display grace & mercy…grace: get what you don’t deserve; mercy: don’t get what you do deserve
* Never talk about another Child's good qualities in areas that your kids could never achieve..same goes with your spouse
* Always use names when talking not “he” or “she”
* Nicknames to build each other up
*”Team Miller”  Have a team family name...
*Bless your children with the Lords name.  "I bless you, Ilana Myah Schlichter in the name of Jesus Christ"
*What I love about you…instead of saying an easy, “I love you”
*Happy thoughts before bed, (can they hear the tv…be careful what they hear before bed)
*Say I love you by name
* Always say thank you…using manners
*Create laughter...Even at yourself but never laugh at your children or at your spouse
*With kids:    Don’t react quickly…think first then discipline
            -Have direct words...Get to the point “that unacceptable, you’re in danger” when disciplining
            -Discipline must hurt in order for them to think 2ce about them doing it again
            -Discipline must be private and prompt, talk at eye level
            -During discipline use no yelling and foolish threats
            -Explain rules: When do you obey? The 1st time...When do I discipline if you don’t?  The 1st time.
            - No punishment for telling the truth the 1st time, consequences but not punishment
            - “We are on your side”
            -Kids are free to fail

*With your family always chose nutrition over convenience
* Dress modestly
* Home is a safe place to speak freedom to express but not be disrespectful
Our goal as a family should be to create a safe haven for our family members...a place within the world where they are not judged, ridiculed, and most importantly loved beyond measure.  We also can be that to a hurting friend or stranger...we can be a Kingdom Outpost to everyone around us.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Benefit Auction...preparing for February

Sometimes February seems so close and then other days its so far away.  Some days I am confident and ready to pack for Missouri then other days I am hesitate and a little afraid.  I know leaving my family for two weeks will be a difficult thing to do, I am hoping to be so grounded in the Word and in the faith I have been given, that my time away will fly by quickly!

A few girls and myself have been planning a benefit for our family to be able to raise the funds to go.  A great friend of mine, approached me a few months back and offered the idea.  We have met 4 times and gathered ideas and accomplishments and now we are 7 short weeks away from the date.

January 22nd from 4-8pm, we will be serving dinner and having a live auction at the Life Center in Bluffton.  Dinner consists of pulled pork sandwiches, tator tot casserole, baked beans, cole slaw, and dessert.  We are selling tickets for the dinner in advance for $10.

The auctions consists of donated items from businesses and individuals.  We are short on donations at the time so if any of you reading have ideas on things we could auction, I would love to hear them.  So far we have a handmade quilt, some restaurant gift cards, movie tickets, guns, air duct cleaning job, pampered chef items, 31 Gift products, Beauti-control, Lia Sofia, and Mary Kay....We are hoping to have more items to offer at the event.

We are also doing a raffle for a live grass fed, hormone free cow.  Raffle tickets are also sold in advance for $10.  We are hoping that this will be a hit item and that tickets will sell well.  If you would like dinner or raffle tickets just let me know...  Better yet, if you would like to sell them for us, I will almost agree to kissing your feet :)  We just need the help so badly.

Tonight we had another "benefit meeting."  Before I went I had a moment of weakness and started to cry. Chad was so sweet to comfort me and tell me how it was going to be ok.  As though it seemed I was crying about the benefit and our somewhat poor progress, I really was aching because I shouldn't be planning a benefit at all.  I should still be pregnant. 

I ran into a friend of mine who had the same due date as me this last week.  I was happy to see her, as she is always so friendly.  As I looked at her smiling face, the corner of my eye caught a glimpse of her belly.  I was so surprised to see how big she was.  It was as though I could see right through her belly and took a big sigh.  Although I don't allow myself to feel sad when others are blessed anymore, I did sigh because I was able to cast eyes on what could of been and should of been for us.

I missed my baby today.  I wanted to be holding my belly at home making cupcakes for Ilana's 6th birthday tomorrow, instead of running to a meeting.  I am grateful that I have friends that could come and help with everything and I met tonight a girl who had a spirit of refined gold, that breathed life into me.  Even so, in the back on my mind I am always thinking about my little ones and how badly I just wanted to spend more time with them.

Tonight I will regain my composure and press forward, as only the Lord gives me strength to do.  I pray that we stay on His blessed path and that we are led so closely by the Spirit. 

If anyone has ideas for our benefit or would like to help please don't hesitate to ask.  We are praying for that very thing.

Thank you for reading and keeping us in your thoughts and prayers!

Friday, December 3, 2010

Do you deserve this bed?

Sometimes I wonder what all I take for many of the things around me I feel is situated there because of something I have done on my own. 

I laid awake last night when the question came to me..."Do you deserve this bed?"  I thought about how good it felt to lay down and be comfortable, and answered with a proud, "yes, I deserve it because God says He will give me yea, I think I do." 

Quickly I heard a response question asking me, "Do you think you are better then those that love God and don't get a soft place to rest?"  My answer was a bit more humble and I thought, "no...I know that I am no better, maybe worse."

Question:  "Then what makes you think your rest is deserved to be better then others?"

Ugh!!  Don't you hate it when you are convicted of your internal sicknesses! 

Yesterday I spoke with a dear friend about loving her husband through all circumstances and training herself to not say aloud the criticisms she would like to say to him.  Shortly after, I was demeaning to my own husband in such a way that was cruel and detestable.  How quickly I remembered that conversation as I lay awake last night, letting the bitterness between him and I go down with the sun.

I deserve very little, if anything.  When your eyes are open to the nasty world of "entitlement" and you see it for what it is, you realize that the only reason you have anything is because of grace from God.

I don't deserve a soft bed while others lay on dirt floors, prison cells, or in coldness.
I don't deserve a steady upright husband while others deal with daily beatings, deception, and abuse
I don't deserve 2 healthy children as many women will never feel life inside of them and hear the words, "mommy."
I don't deserve a growing church family, a checking account, friends, family, and the holiday celebrations.
I don't deserve cold milk in the fridge, or canned food...

My point is that I am completely aware today that I am nothing without God, I am only something because He says I am His.  I have all I need because his great mercy throws it down upon us all.  Without Him, we have nothing.  Entitlement is an enemy and a lier to all of us.  We are entitled to nothing, just spared because He loves us.