Thursday, November 4, 2010

Dont Bless Me...

Last night Daddy was putting Ilana to bed while I was at class.  He read to her, sang her Amazing Grace (which she just loves to hear Daddy sing it) and then they prayed.  Daddy always prays first, mommy 2nd, Tanner, then Ilana.  But last night it was just them two.  Daddy prayed and then passed the ballet off to Ilana.  She prayed so firmly for her usual...Mom, Dad, and "Bubs" and asked God to bless us.  She remembered my friend Jeni who asked for prayer a few days ago and also petitioned the Lord to bless her also.  Then she said at the end, "bless them all, but don't bless me...Amen."

Daddy said, "Ilana, why did you ask Jesus to not bless you?" and she replied, "because I did bad things today."  Earlier the two of them had went to Lowes, and as Daddy looked around the plumbing department, she said she turned on all the display faucets and left them on.  It was so cute to hear this story when I got back home.  Ilana felt so sure that she didn't deserve or couldn't even ask for Gods best for her because she had been "naughty."  Chad gently assured her that its not what we do or don't do that prompts the Lord to love us.  Besides the fact that she really had done nothing wrong, she had felt she was disobedient and surly God wouldn't love her tonight.

It seems so silly and such a childlike story but it took me to reflection about how I often do the same thing.  Just recently I was on my way to church and had a moment with my son, Tanner.  I pulled the car over, yelled at him, and said things to hurt his feelings.  10 minutes later, I was apologizing to him and because he is so quick to forgive, we moved on and had a great day together.  In my heart though I knew that my true fault was against God and not Tanner.  He gives me instruction how to raise my children and yelling at them wasn't acceptable to Him.  He has taught me other ways over the years and I know better techniques to handle situations because of Him. 

My heart was heavy all day.  At church I sang with my head down rather then tipped up.  I felt shame and guilt for not being the mother I really can be.  I entertained the thought that I didn't have the right to worship because I had been "naughty."  Soon I remembered the freedom when forgiven, so I asked God to teach me more about being a great mother and asked that He forgive me.  Do you know the Lord always says YES to that question!! Although I disappoint myself by being myself at time, He always loves me for who I am!

Pray with your kids tonight and tell them about the amazing grace God extends to all who believe.